A New Breed of Gilsellers

I know a lot if you prefer I write my posts as TBG and I will deliver a new one shortly but I really need to address an issue that has recently come to my attention as I'm sure you may have noticed as well. The gilsellers have been acting rather strange lately. Wouldn't you agree?

Here's what I've seen:

1) They have names. Actual typed out no-shit names. No more jumbled letters or randomized names. They have readable names.

2) They use emotes now. I believe this is an attempt to humanize themselves some more and make them much less detectable.

I'm sure some of you have noticed different aspects of the new breed but I personally study them on my server in an attempt to bring them down or inconvenience them in any way I can. Now SE banned 11,500 accounts for RMT related activity. I'm sure we all jumped for joy that day but honestly, how long did that one last? A day? Maybe 2?

I think you are catching my drift here...

Anyway, I have thought and mulled and brainstormed many times on how, we, as players can stop them ourselves. I have shared these ideas with in-game friends and my now long list of in-game enemies (enemies because they fully believe gilsellers help) on ways to stop gilseller influence on our server. You can ban them left and right but they will always come back. This leads to my next question. What the fuck can we do to stop them? Here are the most intelligent answers I got from highly experienced players. Sell for less at the AH. Sounds smart right? No. It's retarded. Don't lose sight of the fact that gilsellers sell gil and have an endless supply of it. This means they can easily just spam the price list to their liking all over again. Thus thwarting our effort in the first place. Here is another solution, "Don't buy from the AH. Just farm what you can and buy very little." A slightly more sound choice from the other however it still does not affect their influence by any real means. Most players cannot manage without the AH and wont be able to avoid it.

So keeping all of this information and knowing how the gilsellers operate and how they're able to affect our in-game economy and ruin our fun, I've come up with a method to eliminate gilseller influence in our daily lives by 100%. I've noticed we have websites with Dynamis schedules and Linkshell forums and loads of FFXI knowledge on quests and whatnot. So why not go with option number 2 and avoid the Auction House, keeping business strictly limited within linkshells and between linkshells. Here is how it works. Within your linkshell operations and forums keep a list of player's mules and the stock. Open an unlocked thread for other linkshells to view stock held by you and make offers to purchase items you are selling. This way you know, without a shadow of a doubt, the the person interested in purchasing your equipment is indeed a real player and not Chinese. If you maintain open links between eachother and continue to sell to one another in this manner the AH will, in time, pretty much empty out. Imagine that for a moment. An empty auction house. Some of you may be thinking, "That's too much work waahhh!" But ask yourself this question now. Isn't it MORE work to actually go farm and sell and farm some more just to meet the outrageous demands for items in the Auction House? This may also assist in the creation of "sales-only" linkshells that you would get a pearl for just to go shopping with. Essentially like a store run by players. Some linkshells could sell only for specific trades like beastcoins or metals instead of plain gil. If these ideas get implemented properly the only influence gilsellers will have on our servers is the fact that they take up party spots. In which case we can just camp right on top of them. Sound fun?

Now I am going to make a prediction. Because of the nature of my blog and the fact that some people really hate it when a person takes matters into their own hands I will get alot of negative comments from people in-game or in my comments section. Some people will even defend the gilsellers. To those who would say and do these things out of spite, know now that you are being ignored.

Aight yo, imma hook up an update lata so ya'll can laugh at sum shit aight? holla back!

I Wuz Da New Neo...

aight yo. i been suspended from da game. i know what ya'll iz thinkin'. "No, not TBG! What could he have done wrong?!" i can answer dat for ya. nothin'. i aint did nuffin wrong yo! yet SOMEHOW i got suspended. lemme give ya'll a lil rundown o' da eventz that occured last nite leadin to mah arrest.


TBG enters the chocobo stables.

TBG>> yo wtf. errthin in herr iz all black cept fo da NPCz n' shit.
TBG>> hmm. letz see sumthing.

TBG walks around the building haphazardly. Walking through anything and everything.

Player>> woah! how'd you get back there?
TBG>> i dunno sun. i juz can.
Player>> thats so l33t! i wanna get back there!
TBG>> i dun think u can homeboy.


TBG walks through a pillar and a wall and basically anything normal players cannot walk thru. He even walks to (J-10) in the chocobo stables, a place no player has gone before.

TBG>> there is no spoon....
Player>> LOLZ i wanna do it show me how to do it!
TBG>> i told u foo i dont know how! it juz works for me son!
Player>> are you using a wall haxxorz?
TBG>> dog. if i had a wall hack d'you really think i would only choose to use it at da chocobo stables? think about dat one.
Player>> ... so do you have a wall hack?
TBG>> im leaving.


TBG>> dats sum wierd shiz yo... i wonder if it be working in other buildings?

TBG enters every building in bastok to test his new found power. He can walk through anything in any building. He is now the Chosen One.

TBG>> i am da chozen one....holla....
TBG>> aight imma hit up kazham! gotta lvl diz BLU!!


TBG walks to the airport and falls through the area where there is supposed to be a bridge.

TBG>> damn yo wtf! I iz stuck!
TBG>> time fo da GM call holla!!!!!!


You have 11 calls ahead of you.


TBG>> aight ill juz chill here fa sho. i got patience.


10 minutes later...

[GM]nice>> hello TBG. i understand you cannot exit the airport?
TBG>> datz fa sho!
[GM]nice>> hmmm im sorry i didnt quite understand what you just said..
TBG>> uhh.. yes...that is...da...problem...yo!
[GM]nice>> ok can you show me?
TBG>> holla! look yo i can walk thru all diz shiznack!
[GM]nice>> hmm that is wierd...ok you will have to call tech support. they will better be able to assist you.
TBG>> aight but yo. i iz tryin to get to...urgh...kazham to party and...uurghh i can not make it in time...yo. can you help?
[GM]nice>> will lower jeuno be ok?
TBG>> word!
[GM]nice>> ill take that as a yes. one moment please.
TBG>> yo fa real! thanks yo!
[GM]nice>> you're welcome ^^


TBG appears in lower jeuno

TBG>> aight time to catch dat flight sucka!

TBG makes it to kazham just in time for his party. spends a good 3 hours killing things hits level 30 and then heads back home to bastok. He gets stuck in the airport again...

TBG>> wut the fiznuck! aight GM call time.

10 minutes later....

[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> Greetings TBG i understand you are stuck in the airport?
TBG>> fa sho!
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> im sorry for this inconvenience. however i am clicking the door it works fine.
TBG>> yea but da problem is not da door'z ability to open. its da fack dat i cant even touch it yo LOL!
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> hmm. and why not?
TBG>> watch me.

TBG runs around the room walking through objects and the stairs needed to reach the door. His blessing is now a curse.

[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> hmm it would seem you cant interact with objects.
TBG>> (no shit fucktard) uhh yea. i cant...can you warp me next to da door?
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> one moment.

TBG opens the door and walks out.

[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> will that be all?
TBG>> haha nah thats not my problem yo. itz dat i can walk thru wallz n' shit dat iz messin me up!
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> i want to see you walk through a wall >.>
TBG>> aight yo check it!

TBG runs to Dragons Claws and walks through the desk and the wall and back again.

[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> ok you will have to call tech support for that one.
TBG>> im a freak...
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> is there anything else i can help you with?
TBG>> nah im good thanks fo savin me yo!
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> ok bye.
TBG>>(damn ass-crunch)

TBG begins shouting

TBG>> yo if ya'll wanna see a blue mage do a REAL magic trick come down to dragons claws and watch me walk thru da walls!!
TBG>> im a freak!
TBG>> der is no spoon yo!
TBG>> da matrix has you!!
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> i would advise you not to do that. if someone reports you i will be forced to take action on you.
TBG>> oh snap. im sorry i stop now
TBG's homie>> haha yo TBG! lemme see u do it!
TBG to his homie>> aight yo come to da shop.
TBG's homie>> aight brt.
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> im going to make a note in your account. if you do not get this fixed in a timely manner i will be forced to take action.
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> if you had not reported this you would have been suspended. so get this fixed as quickly as you can.
TBG>> aight yo im all over it.
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> goodbye.
TBG>>aight yo...cya...

Homie shows up.

TBG>> yo check it dog.
Homie>> aight do diz lessee it.


TBG walks through the walls.

Homie>> WTH?!
TBG>> yea dog it works for any o' da dam buildings here. cept i get stuck in bastok airport cuz of da bridge...
Homie>> dats mad dope yo!
TBG>> yea it gets mad azz fun in da chocobo stables yo LOL!!
Homie>> coo coo. so hows life been yo?

TBG and his homie are talking about work n' udder smack and midway thru da convo....


*warp*

Area===Mordian Gaol===--


TBG>> ah damn i been here before...

TBG kneels in respect.

TBG>> ...(please god no dragons)

[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> i told you not to do those things TBG...
TBG>> yo i cant even see da smack i get to walk thru yo!
TBG>> but i understand....
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> i will be forced to jail you until you get this matter resolved.
TBG>> did i do sumfin wrong? cuz i wastn cheating and i didnt get anything extra from it...cept a few laughs. am i not allowed to get extra laughs during da day?
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> i told you not to shout and you insisted on walking through the walls and doing these things anyway.
TBG>> yep...
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> you will remain here until its fixed.

TBG sits. TBG waves to [GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First.

TBG>> aight. imma be here awhile yo. im goin to bed and i got a 10 hour workday tomorrow. soo... yea.
[GM]Fucking Dickhead McGee the First>> goodbye
TBG>> (asshole yo)

You have been disconnected from playonline.



yo. what did i do wrong yo? did i cheat? did i get free gil? did i score sum NM? did i run faster? what did i do wrong yo? i showed my homeboy dat i could walk thru walls n shid and i get locked up fo' it! racialist yo!!! itz cuz im black! da [GM] had lower den normal hp tho. probably wuz gettin his azz banged by da udder GM's nahmeen? dat would explain why he was bein a dick. so now i aint allowed to play cuz my game glitched. next thing you know ill log in and be able to bend da damn game to mah will n shit. der is no spoon bitch! but till i talk to dem techy nerdz about mah issue imma be locked up fo' awhile. my choco iz gunna starve yo. yo if i did something dat i deserved to be locked up fo please lemme know. cuz i damn sho dont see it. damn GM. (Gay Masta)

My Cellie

today wuz a good day fa yo man TBG. im sure ya'll know abowt dat sidekick3 n' all. abowt how itz supposed to be dope as a mug and mad azz useful right? yea well i got one of dem doggone fonez and damn yo! it sucked mah azz! here's how it go:


TBG>> aight, time to check mah ims n' mah text messages holla!

TBG turns his fone on and plugs it in.
*5 minutes pass*

TBG>> hmm aight i guess it takes a lil bit to start up. i can holla at that.

*5 more minutes pass*

TBG>> aight, ok, no doubt. maybe a bad signal, no doubt.
TBG>> imma juz pass da time n' drop a log.

*TBG drops a log for about 15 minutes*

TBG>> ok lemme see dat signal!
TBG>> hmm dat aint no signal yo. it says its searching tho wtf...
TBG>> aight, i wait.

*10 minutes pass*

TBG>> yo wtf! DATS IT! imma call customer service mah nutz holla!

TBG calls CustomerService.....ringing...

Lady>> hello can i have your mobile number?
TBG>> no doubt its 1-800-imma-sexy-azz-muh-fuggah
Lady>>.... please sir your mobile number, area code first.
TBG>> oh..holla. its ***-***-****
Lady>> ok one moment while i pull up your account information.
TBG>> holla!
Lady>> please refrain from yelling in my ear sir.
TBG>> oop. mah bad yo.
Lady>> O...kay lets see here.... you have made 6 previous complaints before i see.
TBG>> no doubt yo diz fone iz wack!
Lady>> yes i see you have made other comments in regards to the phone including, busted, sorry, "white", crack-headed, and diz iz bullshiet.
TBG>> holla datz me aight!
Lady>> yes how can i help you get your phone back in order.
TBG>> nah im good i wanna exchange dis mess fo a working one yo.
Lady>> ooohh im sorry the phone cannot be exchanged once you've passed your 40 day warranty.
TBG>> nah im good. i wanna exchange ya'll dicked me ova wit diz shitty fone i juz want a new one like it.
Lady>> im so sorry to hear that. can i transfer you to a sidekick specialist?
TBG>>uhh aight, yea.
Lady>> one moment.

*waiting music....Nightrider*

TBG>> wtf...this is some gay ass shi...
Arabian Guy>> tankoo forr calling. how cahn aye be of sehvice?
TBG>> yo wtf!
Arabian Guy>> aye'm surry sir. plees cohme ahgin.
TBG>> yo my fone iz wack i need a new one.
Arabian Guy>> we arrre surry sir. you 'ave pahssed yourr forrtee day wahrrantee. i can nut ahsseest you. you may howeverr purchis a brahnd new phone if you lyke.
TBG>> nah yo gimme a new fone diz is wack!
Arabian Guy>> one moment plees sir.
TBG>> ...

*waiting music...Papa Don't Preach*

Lady>> thank you for calling can i have your 9 digit mobile number starting with area code?
TBG>> yo i juz spoke to u wtf yo!
Lady>> im sorry sir. you must be mistaken. how can i help you today?
TBG>> yo my fone is wack dammit!
Lady>> one moment lemme trans...

*click*

*45 minutes later*


Operator>> i understand your phone is broken and you wish to make a claim?
TBG>> holla! i slipped and it fell yo!
Operator>> oh im very sorry. let me transfer you to our claims manager.
TBG>> aight i can holla.
Lady>> hello thank you for calling can i have your ten didgit mobile number star....

*gunshot...gunshot...gunshot*


News Caster>>> today is a dark day indeed. a young black male was seen entering several cell phone retail stores and call centers firing at innocent employees. He was last seen on foot wearing an all red suit with a feathered hat. he is armed and dangerous. please take extra caution, he is black.



yo if i dont repost again anytime soon my azz iz in prison fa murdah! i cant take dis mess no mo' yo! it aint right to be dickin people da way they dick me yo! i iz trying to rid da world of deez evil muhfukkahz. ya'll betta post bail fo my azz. holla!

To Da Haterz!

it has come to my attention dat sum of you mofoz iz wantin' me to die yo. datz juz wack. itz not my fault u gotta hate da way you hate but you hate nonetheless and i juz cant holla at that. for as many of you mofoz dat do hate der is like 3 of you who show da love so itz all good.

now id like to make a note to da people dat show da luv.

the people dat iz alwayz hatin'...yea i done pimped all of dem. they hate cuz they think i iz gunna let dem keep da loot but i juz had to slap dem all ta get paid. str8 up. and da female haterz, yea, i diked em up and said i love dem too. ya'll see how dat can go holla!

i be wantin to esspress my desire to make mofoz laugh and smile but there iz always someone out der who be wantin to see people upset. give in to da TBG. if u iz out in town talkin wit ur peepz and suddenly you feel like ending yo sentences wit "holla!" itz cuz deep down you love TBG and you be luvin hiz pimpful wayz. dont hate. show luv.

i write all dis smack at work and itz not easy cuz dis is one side of me i cant kill. it juz comes out in dis blog like a mofo i aint never knew exsisted. if i had to attribute diz TBG to anything it would be da one day i got bit by a black kid in a fight. ever since den i been talkin funny. suddenly TBG came out n got me a bunch of hoz n i accepted his pimpitiness as my own. i use dis side of me to bang ya moms. fa sho. so da only way fa me to be normal in society iz to release him into dis blog or in yo momz so dat i can talk like a real person when i got werk n shid. nahmeen?


so there you have it. Now I can continue to live my daily life now that I've released him for the time being. Some people don't understand TBG. That's ok. You need to have some pimp in you to get it. Embrace it. Love it. Need it....sorry..

Drugz iz Bad. Yo.

Aight, i decided itz time to visit da P-Dog. he over-did it wit hiz attack yo and his azz passed out so i decided i bessa check on hiz azz make sure hes aight. so after i get done wit some of yo momz i make my way.


*ssssssssssssss* *cough cough hack*
*sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss* hack cough cough*

P-Dog>> hahahahaaaaaa~
TBG>> yo P-Dog wut it iz foo?
P-Dog>> haha suuuuuuuP?
TBG>> wtf itz all smokey in here!


*ssssssssssssss* *couuugh HaCk*


TBG>> wutchu doin over der dog? u aight?
P-Dog>> hell yea bwaaaa! wana hit?!!
TBG>> of?
P-Dog>> diz tree sapling? haha oh shiiiit!
TBG>> DOG! dont do dat shiz yo! it makes yo mind all slow n sheit!


*ssssssssssssssssss* *HaCk CouGh!!*

P-Dog>> diz izz mad dope!!! oh snap! pink elephants!!!
TBG>> gimme dat you dumass!


*5 seconds later*

P-Dog>> heyyy... thats mine lolTHF.
TBG>> nah dog dis shid is mad expensive n it dont do squit fa you.
P-Dog>> aww cmon yoooo...
TBG>> no! u iz done. mark azz trick.
P-Dog>> well dun wayste is yo.... mahz well take ahit...
TBG>> tsk.

TBG takes a quick hit. cut 'im some slack its tree saplings yo.


TBG>> *cough cough* hhaha dammmn G! diz iz good shit.
P-Dog>> holluh..yo meet a friend of mine.
Mom>> hey TBG ;)
TBG>> damn you fine....
Mom>> teehee i love you.
TBG>> huh huh i love you too ;)
P-Dog>> holla! yo she givez mad good dome yo!
Mom>> yea heehee i showed P-Dog.
TBG>> holla! *sssssssssssssssss* ppff pff *cough!*
Mom>> my hubby doesnt feel anything anymore thanks to you sexy :D
TBG>> haha datz cuz i iz hung like a dam galka. oh shit! pink elephants!
Mom>> :) sooo i was thinkin'. its just me you and P-Dog....
TBG>> no doubt!
P-Dog>> sheeeeeeeeeiiit....

Mom undresses slowly.

Taruchick>> oh wow this looks fun! ^^
TBG>> hell yeaa booyyyyyeeee!!!
P-Dog>> grumblackamoodllez!!
Mom>> hey ur a cutie;)
Taruchick>> hee hee so are you :D

Mom and Taruchick start making out.

P-Dog and TBG rise 0.3

TBG>> *zip* lets do dis!
P-Dog>> *zip* fa sho!
Mom/Taruchick>> wow that thing is...HUGE!

TBG and P-Dog start giving it to Marlboro
Marlboro uses Bad Breath

Marlboro>> teehee holla! ;)


now i know ya'll iz thinkin "gross yo!" but on da real dat bad azz breath be makin u see sum crazy shit! ignorance is bliss fa sho! aint nuttin wrong wit bangin dem ugly azz hoz if u too fucked up to know da difference! sheit i know fo a fack u aint ahpostabe goin hoggin if u sober yo. but da homeboy who do dat mess when he blazed iz pimp sun! yo. Fat chicks need dick too. HOLLA!

P-Dog. My Hero...Wack

aight so even doh P-Dog didnt woop dat gilsellaz azz he did buy me time and dat punkazz DRG showed up and saved me. even doh he threatened me. punkazz. last night i made sho ta visit his lil sexy again holla! she luv da dark chocolate :D NE-wayz P-Dog been rubbin dat mess in ever since da whole me gettin touched thing happin'd. wack.


P-Dog>> so TBG. did you like it when he touched you?
TBG>> shut up muhfukka. dat stayz between me n u foo!
P-Dog>> what stays? the fact that you liked it?
TBG>> I DIDNT LIKE IT U RETARD! muhfukka violated mah rightz yo.
P-Dog>> oh. so...you liked it.
TBG>> >.> imma stab u sun. imma str8 up stab you.
P-Dog>> haha im just kidding TBG. ^^ its ok to like men.

TBG stabs P-Dog
P-Dog takes 50 damage

P-Dog>> wtf!
TBG>> good god u wack P-Dog! damn!
P-Dog>> ok ok relax.


later dat day me n da P-Dog patrol on down ta windy fo some baby-powder cuz he needz to work on his slap. if he had slapped that gay dude we coulda ran but he juz dont know how itz dun.


TBG>> aight here u go.
P-Dog>> wow. why do i need baby powder? oh no...you want to powder my ass dont you!?
TBG>> P-Dog wtf iz wrong wit u bro? i told u i aint gay!
P-Dog>> yea but powder usually goes on asses and...
TBG>> ITS FO YO PIMP SLAP! NOW STFU!
P-Dog>> ooooohhhhh!! i get it. haha


hold up. im mad azz hungry yo. i do diz shit at work n itz lunch time so holla!

20 minutes later

aight im back!


Iron Pimp>> yo TBG im here yo.
TBG>> holla. we iz bizzy boutsta teach P-Dog da pimp slap aight?
Iron Pimp>> no diggity yo.
P-Dog>> word.
TBG>> holla.
Iron Pimp>> aight P-Dog first yo azz gotsta grab yo baby powder.
Iron Pimp>> den u twist da cap! make sho yo azz look menacing while u twistin'
Iron Pimp>> den you sprinkle dat shit on da front and da back of yo hand!
Iron Pimp>> den you go, "stfu ho!" and you back hand da bitch den u front hand da bitch. if you do it right yo hand mark should be on bowf sides of dey face. diz shit will stun dem. den u juz woop dey azz holla!
TBG>> holla!
P-Dog>> dingleberry! :D


TBG stares blankly at P-Dog...

Iron Pimp>> ...
P-Dog>> :D
TBG>> ...

TBG and Iron Pimp pimp slap P-Dog
P-Dog takes 200 damage and is stunned! oh dip!

P-Dog>> i flarged up didnt i...?
TBG>> damn sun you dont gotta use pimp chat no more aight? juz learn da slap plz.
P-Dog>> ok yo.
Iron Pimp>> NE-way! you gun practice on dis lil whyte boy holla!
Todd>> *shaking* OH NOEZ BLACK MEN!
Iron Pimp>> nowz yo chance slap diz bitch!
TBG>> get em P-Dog!! ruff ruff ruff RYDERZ!!!!!

P-Dog scowls at Todd
P-Dog twists
P-Dog sprinkles
P-Dog slaps Iron Pimp
Iron Pimp takes 64 damage

Iron Pimp>> wtf u blind!?
Todd>> OH NOEZ!! NOT MY SNEAKERS!!!! NOT TEH SNEAKERZ!!!


TBG activates pimp chizat.

TBG>> look u cracka azz muhfukka u boutsta get niggity knocked owt fa sho! nice kickz where u get em at?
Todd>> f-f-foot locker....
TBG>> good you can get yo sorry azz sum mo'
Todd>> eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekk!
TBG>> lemme get em fo u get yo azz jumped! sucka!
Todd>> here take them!!!
Iron Pimp>> nows yo chance P-Dog slap dis bitch!
P-Dog>> no dizzle fizzle~
TBG/Iron Pimp>> OH SNAP!

P-Dog begins charging pimp slap.....
P-Dog readies powder.....
P-Dog aims...

P-Dog>> THIS IS IT BITCHASS!
Todd>> OH NOOEEZZ!!! nyaaahhh....

P-Dog's stands there....
P-Dog begins to glow....

TODD TAKES 4,500 DAMAGE!!
TODD IS DEFEATED BY P-DOG!!!!

5 seconds later...

*slap slap slap slap slap slap slap*

TBG/Iron Pimp>> OH SNAP G!!

P-Dog collapses from pure pimpitiness


Iron Pimp>> the pimp juice is strong in this one young masta je
TBG>> STFU!!



yo da P-Dog has def got some cra-Z azz power yo... on da real. he slapped dat bitch so fast i didnt even see da mofo move. he juz pimped his azz to death. like woah.

it's time...

uhh uhh uh his name is pathfinder, he strike like a sidewinder, his helmet got horse blinders, he should change hiz name to ho finder!!! uhh uhh uhh fa sho nikka, i lick a sticka, hoz want mah dicka!! holla back P-Dog...holla back.

Rainbows Have Nothing to Hide

aight yo. i be noticin' dat mah blog be havin one general theme dat sum of u might be takin offense ta. sex. i know, i know, sum of yah mofoz aint neva had sex befow and sum of yah didnt even know dat sex makes udder people n shiz, and even worse, sum of yah muhfuggaz only be havin lame ass weak bitch sex n think dat derz no such thing az good sex wid a freak cuz if der wuz den u iz def sinnin or some mess like dat. well dis post is fer u. imma lay offa da sex theme for a bit cuz i be knowin sex be offendin ya. so no sex in dis post yo holla! so dont be especkin' ta see no references ta sex in dis one. i be sparin u sex. sex. holla at sex! ok no sex. herr goes.


sex.


aight yo now dat im da boss up in dis piece i decided its time i took a vacation cuz i worked my azz off dat day az u could see. so on my vacation i decided my azz wuz goin ta jeuno ta hit da casinoz and da strip clubs n shiz! holla back!


TBG>> yo wut it iz pimp let a nikka roll sum.
Squeaky>> sure thing TBG. place ur bet.
TBG>> aight. mad azz loot.
Squeaky>> umm. how much "loot"?
TBG>> mad azz.
Squeaky>> can i get a monetary value? "mad azz" is pretty vague.
TBG>> wtf u sayin foo? iz dat sum kind of new ebonix shit?
Squeaky>> i need an actual number TBG. so we can count how much ur giving us.
TBG>> aight yo wtf. holla is diggity a numba?
Squeaky>> ...
ghuyllx>> put him down for.... one million dollars!
TBG/Squeaky/ other idiot gamblers>> *gasp*
TBG>> yo i aint got dat kind of loot yo.
ghuyllx>> i do.
TBG>> holla!
Squeaky>> one million it is!
Squeaky>> ROLL!!


TBG rolls a 923
Squeaky rolls a 229
ghuyllx rolls a 21
the others rolled numbers lower den mine.

Squeaky>> TBG wins the pot! thats 4.2mil ((congratulations!))
TBG>> HOLLA BACK! IMMA QUIT MAH JOB YO!
ghuyllx>> so TBG wanna celebrate?
TBG>> hella yes foo! letz get sum booze on me yo!
ghuyllx>> yay! :D


TBG and his strange new friend begin drinking by the Auction House on some benches. (faster to get the booze there)

TBG>> yo diz is sum good booze. i stay away from da jaeger yo it makes me ack whyte LOLZ!
ghuyllx>> haha white people hahaha! im chinese...
TBG>> oh word? ....umm holla?
ghuyllx>> word ;)

ghuyllx slowly rests his hand on TBG's thigh

TBG>> uhh homie? yo hand. datz mah thigh dog.
ghuyllx>> oh HAAHA oops! i thought it was the arm rest haha im so wasted :D
TBG>> uhh hehe yea u iz... heh



A couple hours later...

TBG>> futhck hahaha futhckin boothze yo....
ghuyllx>> good stuff eh?
TBG>> shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt....hahahuhuh..


ghuyllx slowly rubs TBG's thighs

TBG>> yooooo. wtf... hahahauhhhhh
ghuyllx>> :D i think your...cute...
TBG>> shit yea im cute pffttt bitkchth hahhhhhhhaaaa


ghuyllx begins undoing TBG's buttons on his shirt


TBG>> yooo wut pfftt kekeke wut iz joooo doink? hahaaa
ghuyllx>> nuthin :D


ghuyllx slowly leans in toward TBG...
ghuyllx puckers his lips...

P-Dog>> yo nikka u crazy foo!!

P-Dog drop kicks ghuyllx
ghuyllx takes 50 damage

ghuyllx>> wtf who are you!? leave us alone we're busy!
TBG>> P-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGG hahaha pppfftttt!!!!!

TBG is drooling profusely

P-Dog>> yo TBG! diz foo iz tryin ta kick it to u yo!
TBG>> yooo datz mad gay yo.... pffftthhhtttt
ghuyllx>> you wont stop me. noone can. we are legion.
P-Dog>> i caynt stop all yah mofoz but i can damn sho stop you muhfugga!


ghuyllx quickly grabs TBG's pants and begins pulling downward in an attempt to remove them.

P-Dog throws Mr.Beeington at ghuyllx, stinger first.
ghuyllx suffers 80 damage

ghuyllx>> MEDDLING KIDS!
P-Dog>> datz my boy u aint touchin him foo!

ghuyllx uses 3rd party software.
ghuyllx hits P-Dog for 300 damage

P-Dog>> urgh!!
ghuyllx>> now you're both mine!! mua mua mua moo hoo hoo moo hoo hoo hahahahahhaha!!!!!
P-Dog>> dammit! i cant get up.... please dont do this to TBG!
ghuyllx>> STFU n00b!!! LOLZ

Greville readies Leg Sweep!
ghuyllx takes 120 damage
ghuyllx is stunned

ghuyllx>> urgh cant...move wtf?!
Greville>> noone kills TBG or his "dog" but me!
ghuyllx>> you...cant...beat...meeee!
ghuyllx>> ive heard rumors of TBG... i need this. i need his pimp juice!!!
Greville>> WTF!? fuckin gross! fuck!
TBG>> holla!

Greville uses jump
Greville uses high-jump
Greville uses spirit surge
Greville sticks 'em one
Greville uses jump
Greville uses high-jump
ghuyllx takes 600 damage
ghuyllx was defeated by Greville

Greville>> TBG, P-Dog. I am a man of honor. I will allow you to rest your wounds before I engage you two properly. It would be wrong to kill you while your down and out.
TBG>> pfffttt mad tight azzzz puuussyy yooooo
P-Dog>> stfu TBG! ur gunna get uz killed yo!

P-Dog slaps TBG
TBG takes 50 damage

Greville>> I'm letting that slide. For now. I'll be back for you. Watch your backs. Especially you. yea you, the one lexii calls "Monster Cock". *cries a little*
P-Dog>> .......

Greville uses warp
Greville disappears


P-Dog>> you iz mad fugged yo.
TBG>> holla!


yo dat shiz wuz mad fugged up yo! errbody knowz dem gilseller muhfukkuz iz gay! errbody also knowz wut happens when u chill wit dem. "chill wit dem gilsellerz and you iz only fukkin yo'self in da long run. dey gun get you when yo back iz turned yo fa sho, if yahnahmeen! ya nahmeen?!!?! but fo real doh i gotsta go see a doctor yo! dat mofo str8 up touched me way too much yo! i thought i wuz back at church!! holla!

Work Sucks yo. Str8 up.

Aight i been goofin offa work too long and im startin to be runnin owt of cheddah yanahmeen?? so i made my way ta sandy ta turn sum trix n get me some loot. fo da record, i love mah job. i hate mah boss. yea sucka, even us pimpz got bosses too yo. fuggin wack.


TBG>> sup B. where mah trix at?
Boss>> TBG you need more red in ur pimp-suit.
TBG>> yea aight. where mah trix at yo? i got my baby-powder ready.
Boss>> thats not the right type of baby-powder. you need to carry extra poofy not regular.
TBG>> ...
Boss>> *sigh* go to south sandy you'll find your "hoz" there.
TBG>> aight. that's all i needed ta know.


So i get to south sandy after my dumass boss gets done bitchin' bout errthing. i swear yo. err damn time i make a move his ass is watching me to bitch abowt it. wtf is that yo? why do all bossez gotta be up in yo shit err single time you make a muhfuggin move yo? you see how i dun tried to be tackful wid hiz azz. make a note o' dat.

Trick>> oh uhh hi TBG.
TBG>> where mah money at.
Trick>> oh i havent umm made any umm yet.
TBG>> bullsheit ho. where mah money at?! dont make me slap you!
Trick>> no please TBG! i need the money for my babies!!

TBG baby-powder pimp slaps the ho!
Trick takes 34 damage
Trick drops loot!

TBG>> der it go. ya know it be hurtin me mo den it be hurtin u when u make me slap you.
Trick>> *sniffle* im sorry ill never do it again....
TBG>> s'right
Boss>> TBG your pimp slap form was not according to policy. you're supposed to make a 180 degree arc. im going to have to write you up.
TBG>> yo wtf yo? i got da loot get offa me yo.
Boss>> company policy.
TBG>> damn yo! wuteva, i got mo hoz to slap yo fa sho.

Damn yo! see? mah damn boss iz all on my dick err time i do anything yo!!! anyway i make my way down to da AH. one of my hoz knowz dat mad thugz be rollin dat AH and she iz always der to provide "services" holla!

Trick2>>hi TBG. :)
TBG>> sup slut.
Trick2>> wutcha doin? need a date tonite ;)
TBG>> yo dat only works on dem lil nerdy white boyz who cant get none. where mah money at?
Trick2>> oh yea no problem baby. i got your money next week huuuunnny.

TBG back hands dat ho!
Trick2 takes 38 damage
Trick2 drops loot!!

TBG>> dont try ta play da playa slut. i play da game like i made it. cuz i did. so dont play.
Trick2>> sorry baby...i just, really wanted the cash for school...
TBG>> hahahahaha a slut goin to skool! nah foo. dey would kick yo azz owt before you get yo bookz yo. dem services u got dont be workin on yo teachers. well not da female ones yo holla!
Boss>> TBG.
TBG>> !!!!
Boss>> your feet were not shoulder width apart on that back hand. keep it up and ill be forced to write you up. again.
TBG>> YO WTF IZ IT WIT YOU AND WRITIN' PPL UP!??!!
Boss>> you cant talk to me like that. im going to write you up for belligerence.
TBG>> !?#$!%&?*!!!!!!
Boss>> now you're not working. im going to write you up for slacking off TBG.
TBG>> ?!#!$%^%?$&*^(?%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yo dat may be my boss BUT DAMN DO I WANNA KNOCK HIZ AZZ OWT! he always creepin' up on me an watchin me n shit. da other pimps dont even really do no work and he dont say shiz to dem wtf!

Trick3>> hi TBG. d-d-d-o you h-h-ave any crack?? i need it TBG.
TBG>> yo stfu where mah loot?
Trick3>> im so sorry i-i-i b-b-een working for c-c-rack and im f-f-f-freezing.
TBG>>yo wtf yo!! i want loot! not crack dat u used yo! u been suckin fo free?!?!? i hope u aint been swallowin. right?
Trick3>> i...maybe...
TBG>> YOU BEEN SWALLOWIN'!!!! YOU CRA-Z?!?!?
Trick3>> i needed the c-c-crack baddd... im s-s-sorry......ill kiss urs f-f-for s-some crackk..

TBG bitch slaps ho!
Trick3 takes 35 damage
Trick3 drops 5 gil.

TBG>> YO! you gun make me mo loot now foo. AND GET OFF DA CRACK DAMMIT!
Trick3>> yessir sorry sir....uhhh... tbg?
TBG>> what it do?
Trick3>> ur boss is heading this way.
TBG>> aight.
Boss>> TBG I noti...


TBG kicks the living shit out of his boss in such a manner that the body cannot be identified.
Boss takes 2,000 damage


TBG>> STFU JUZ STFU!! MIND UR OWN MUHFUGGIN BUSINESS BITCH!
Boss>> you're getting...promot...ed
TBG>> AW HELL NO BITCH!


TBG kicks his boss where the words come out and stumps his head.
Boss shakes momentarily then just stops moving... his eyes become glassy....

TBG>>.....HOLLA!


on some real shit tho. if you a boss and you readin dis story. stop being a fuggin dick. there aint no reason fo dat kind of smack. look around. iz da work gettin done? yes? den leave ur pplz alone 'n' let em do they damn job. its enuff we be haftin to wake up at 6am juz to get to yo wack azz place of work. get off our meat and mind ya own damn businezz. someday someone gun find yo azzez in a parking lot on yo way to yo car and u gunna get jumped. when dat day comez u betta not be lyin der thinkin' "what did i do to deserve this?" cuz da answer gun be. "cuz you a asshole prick bitch" it aint werf it right? sheit.


hahaha he wuz right doh. i did get promoted. after i stumped his sorry azz head dey gave me hiz job holla!

Kazham

fa sheezy yo kazham is str8 up packed wit dem hot azz mithraz yo! i mean dayum! tell me how many time ya'll mofoz went to make a damn mule fa yo game and u juz picked mithra fo a sec to watch dem lil hoz stretch n do all o dem sexy azz moves? ya kno? i know i do dat mess errtime! now i know sum of ya'll nerds dat think they l33t n sheit be takin' dat to da next level... ya sick bastiches, but i know im guilty of starin' here n der its only natural nahmeen?? so newayz i figerr i might as well chill n try n get some o dat tail in kazham seein' as i aint up to huntin dat azz-crab goblin smitty n' da P-Dog is ackin a foo wit dat haxxorz sheit hollaback!

so i spot a hot azz lil whm mithra ho just standin around lost. TBG gunna have ta save da damsel in distress holla!

TBG>> what it do lil sexy?
Mithra>> stfu retard. My name is Lexii not "lil sexy"
TBG>> holla back. let a nucca hit.
Lexii>> holy mother of God you are still talking to me. how do you know im not a man?? hm? how?
TBG>> no man could be as fine as u baby.
Lexii>> im sorry retard. perhaps you don't understand? maybe i can speak in retard for you.
TBG>> hard to get holla!
Lexii>> nurma dumgledoo... nuuurrrrggggg!!! mwazzaaaak.
TBG>> yo u freaky :)
Lexii>> sweet jesus. you. are. retarded. go. away.
TBG>> yo you know how to talk like a pimp AND you religious! sheit maybe i wont just hit it n bounce yo!
Lexii>> ...im sorry i cant hear you im trying to choke myself with my tail. *grunt*
TBG>> i got somethin' longer den dat tail you can use. ;) plus u can juz slip it down yo throat it tends to work a hella lot e-zer den yo tail holllllaaa!!!! *throws gang sign*


Lexii kicks TBG in the neck
TBG takes 90 damage

TBG>> yo wtf! i iz tryin ta hook u up baby!
Lexii>> you're a sick pig. i will never ever touch you like that. go away before i break your face.
TBG>> you wack.

TBG reaches down to scratch what might easily be considered his knee and in doing so his knee seemingly moved independently.

Lexii>> wait dont go just yet....
TBG>> oh NOW you want me to stay! u iz mad cra-z lady!
Lexii>> scratch ur...knee again.
TBG>> dat wasnt my knee foo.


TBG scratches his "knee"

Lexii>> omg...wow.
TBG>> what foo?! what da dilly now??
Lexii>> i just...umm damn..i...wow...
TBG>> yo! what iz u mumblin' abowt yo! DAMN G! YOU CONFOOZIN ME! u axin dis den dat!
Lexii>> maybe we can... "chill"?
TBG>> holla! where at?
Lexii>> my place.
TBG>> you want some of dis dont u!! hoooollaaa!!! wessideee!!!!
Lexii>> damn hell yes!
TBG>> big TBG w00t w00t!! TBG in da hiiizzzoouussseee!! who'z ya boy! bloop bloop!!! *flailing arms* mah names TBG, i gotsta big ole meat, da ladiez think itz neat, its only 3 long feet, they taste it like a treat! big TBG!!!! wooty woot!!!!
Lexii>> look let's make this quick ok i have a boyfriend who will be coming home soon and i miss that feeling of a big johnson. so let's go already.
TBG>> HOLLLLAAAA!!!!


TBG gives it to Lexii
Lexii takes 145 damage

Lexii>> OH MY GOD YES!!! FINALLY!!
TBG>> HOOOLLAAAA!!!


25 minutes later the door opens.

Greville>> WHO THE? WHAT IN THE FUCK! WHAT THE WHO THE GET THE WHAT?!?
Lexii/TBG>> oh shit!!

TBG uses flee

Greville>> whattheimtryingtofight tosavethewhendidyouwhywould....
Lexii>> oh im so sorry baby!! it was a mistake i didn't mean to go that far i, i, i didnt even know what he was doing!
TBG>> peace bitch! yo your girl iz mad azz tight AND she used dat tail holllaaa!!!

TBG hauls ass out da window and takes off toward the chocobo stables.

Greville>> A MISTAKE?!?! I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD FIT THAT MUCH IN YOUR MOUTH! AND THATS A MISTAKE???
Lexii>> i never meant to do any of that...i was...i love you!! DOESNT THAT MEAN ANYTHING?!?!?!
Greville>> but you...you...

Greville stares blankly...

Lexii>> honey?
Greville>>...


yoooooo!!! HAHAHHHA HOLLAAA!!!!! damn yo i luv dem mithra slutz yo!! i got mad game yo! dat punkazz couldnt even stop me yo holla back! he a punk nehow hahaha!!!! yo when a mithra be usin her tail like dat aint nuttin betta! 'sides a taru uhcourse ha-HAAA!! slutz n hoz yo slutz n hoz! sheit bout da only part abowt dis is gun be ridin a chocobo naked foo! damn featherz!!! HOLLA AT YA BOYYEEE!!! *thumps chest*

Mom>> TBG!!! wait!!! i need you!!!!
TBG>> %$#%!#^&

Goblin Smithy...yo.

I noticed dat mofo stick his damn knife in mah neck yo. dat shiz wuz str8 up wack fa sho! i made sho to make a note to whoop hiz azz when i see him next time yo fa sho holla back yo doh mofo ro da dough yobo da hobo sho flow oh no glow blow stow... damn i got skeelz. fa sho. HOLLA! So i get mah raise and my azz is out fa blood nahmeen??!!


TBG>> you! stop walkin mofo.
GoblinSmithy>> what the hell are you wearing?
TBG>> i iz wearin my kill da mofo goblin suit datz wut im wearin biotch!!
GoblinSmithy>> Hold on. You're winning, I can feel my brain sliding out of my ears from your rendition of english.
TBG>> yo datz funny dog! sike! you gay!
GoblinSmithy>> ooohhh ouch! yea wow I'm stunned. I have no comeback. You are just too smart for me. Retard.
TBG>> retard? nah foo da name is TBG and im a bad muhfucfka from 44 street and ill kick yo ass from street to street.
GoblinSmithy>> O...kay. umm so why are you standing all the way over there?
TBG>> cuz...foo...umm. shut yo mouf biotch holla! why dont u come over here slut!! ooohhhh snaap!
GoblinSmithy>> Ok.
TBG>> oh shit!


GoblinSmithy aggros TBG


TBG>> aight TBG keep it together. time to whomp diz bitch fa sho.

GoblinSmithy>> ok I'm here. Oh, and you win I am too afriad to fight you. You clearly have intimidated me with your thug-chat.
TBG>> HOLLA! S'right punk getsta steppin LOLZ!

*facestab*

TBG>> oh snap!

*pimpslap*

GoblinSmithy>> WTF?!

*neckstab*

TBG>> oh DIP!!

*baby-powder bitch slap*

GoblinSmithy>> What in the fu...

*trachea slice*

TBG and GoblinSmithy step back for a moment they are clearly evenly matched

TBG>> s'right bitch imma whoop yo azz foo!
GoblinSmithy>> You look pretty tired token black bitch.
TBG>> yo momma looked pretty tired last night when i dicked her up n down hooolllaaa!!!!!!
GoblinSmithy>> My mom is dead...thanks a lot man....
TBG>> oh snap my bad G. i wouldnt go dat low dog my bad G im sorry for yo loss.

GoblinSmithy>> CAUSE I KILLED HER THE FIRST CHANCE I GOT!!

*earstab*

TBG>> you muhfucka!!!

*dickslap*

TBG/GoblinSmithy>> ...
TBG>> aight mah bad im done.
GoblinSmithy>> Yea. This is too wierd now.
TBG>> aight later.
GoblinSmithy>> Cya.

aight yo in da heat o' battle itz mad azz e-z to get carried away 'n' do sum shiz like dat. ya know? you just attackin 'n' shit and den u do da first thing dat come to yo mind and u dickslap a bitch. when da gay level goes down a lil bit ill be back to kick dat mofoz azz u bessa believe imma win too cuz immmmmmaaa piiiimmppp!! w00t w00t wewt wewt wuht wuht wute wute woot woot Woot Woot bloop bloop woo woo holla 2007!! fo sheven! mah neven!!!! hot new werd on da street: duddleduffooooockkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*facestab*
*facestab*
*facestab*

TBG takes 200 damage
TBG falls to level 43

GoblinSmithy>> SIKE!!! .....bitch.

Chillin'

aight yo. before i get inta N-E writin' and b4 any of my writin skillz can be used fo diz blog....


i gotsta drop a log yo.

fer real. my azz boutsta explode...

*22 minutes pass*

whew. aight herr goez homiez.


Mom>>where are you going TBG? let's cuddle...
TBG>> nah sun. i gotta bounce fa sho.
Mom>> but I thought...you said...but I thought you loved me....
TBG>> look. i tell all mah hoz i luv em. you lil slutz luv ta hear dat smack when im givin it to you. now leggo a mah leg. i gotta bounce.
Mom>> you...lied to me? you don't...love me?
TBG>> nah cmon yo why u gotta be all clingy n shiet damn yo.
Mom>> but...my husband is going to know I've been with someone...bigger. I can't go back to him....*sniffle*
TBG>> LOL ya shoulda thought abowt dat 'fore u let me wax it holla!
Mom>> But, but....
TBG>> ya...i shoulda put it in yo butt. ah too late now. aight foo im owtie fo showtie!! peace!
Mom>> *sniffle* I just wanted something big....*sniffle*

Door slams. Chocobo steps can be heard running very, very fast.

TBG>> hahahha wudda slut! immmaaaa piiiimpppp!!! holla!
TBG>> i ask mahself sometimes...why do deez bitches even get married or in relationships? all dey end up doin iz me. HOLLA!!! dey st00pid yo. ain't dat right choco?
Chocobo>> warkolla!
TBG>> s'right foo. s'right.

TBG travels back to kazham and enters the jungle....


Goblin Pathfinder hits TBG for 80 damage.

TBG>> yo wtf yo! wtf iz u doin dog!
GoblinPathfinder>> uhh i iz trying to mess you upwards? yo?
TBG>> ..... wtf.

Goblin Pathfinder hits TBG for 78 damage.

TBG>> yo chill wit dat shit wtf iz wrong wit you yo?
TBG>> itz me TBG ya boyee! ya homie! wtf!
GoblinPathfinder>> LOL STFU N00b!!! n00blet lol!!! im l33t! 1 w1ll me$$ your f@c3! hahahhaha Noob!!!!!


TBG Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Pathfinder across the face!
Pathfinder takes 822 damage.
TBG defeats Goblin Pathfinder.


TBG>> hell nah! i dont do dat l33t shit homo.
Mom>> but i thought you loved me....
TBG>> WTF! HOW THE FU...
Mom>> once you go black you....
TBG>> nah yo get the fuk away ho! hell nnnaahh!!!
Mom>>...........l33t?
TBG>> NNUUUOOOOOHHHH!!!


TBG takes off running into the jungle.
After 3 hours of non-stop flee he stops to breathe.


TBG>> yo wtf wuz dat?
Azure>> graawwwkk!!
TBG>> i hear dat.
Mom>>i need you....
TBG>> SONOFABITCH!!!!!


TBG uses high jump.
TBG makes no attempt to land properly....
TBG dies on impact and falls to level 44.

Mom>> love me....
Mom>> oh! I think I can salvage that slab of meat between his legs!!!

Mom starts unzipping TBG's pants....



aight yo this story ends here cuz i aint botta share wtf that crazy azz bitch did to mah dead lifeless body yo. im afraid to find out too. da price ta pimp can be mad azz steep yo and i admit i wudnt prepped fo diz level of cra-Z azz shiet. i cant even HP cuz i set dat shiz in bastok and they iz lookin 4 me der and i juz do..*muffle* *oof* *murrble murrble*

Goblin Smithy steps on TBG's head pushing his face deeper into the dirt.
Goblin Smithy rests his sword in TBG's neck.

Surprise, Surprise...

Ok. This is good stuff. I received a monthly schedule on training dates and things of that nature so I could prepare myself for anything that may be coming my way nice and early. On the schedule the marine corps ball is dated on November 10th. Next Saturday. So can someone tell me why I got a phone call yesterday telling me the ball is this Saturday the 4th.

Yeah. Should I bend over now or later?


I'm pretty busy as of late getting my dress blue uniform up to snuff with my rank insignias and my coat size being adjusted. Then I'll have hours of IP'ing to do to any loose threads and making sure my ribbons and medals are all in the right place. This of course means I'm going to be coughing up a lot of my free time. Mix that up with Final Fantasy 12 and 11 and you can see how tight my schedule is.


Nevertheless I will still do my damnedest to try and get an update out. Understand that it is hard to write an update when I am already angry. I have to begin these entries in a good mood because writing like this actually annoys me. The level of slime that I can pump out of my own mind astonishes even me. I will slow down if I ever start using ANY of TBG's words in real sentences.

"When hunting monsters it is important not to become a monster yourself."


This stands true for this blog. Well I'm off, got work to do. CYA!